November 23, 2010
Most of what I put on my wordpress blog sits at the intersection of faith, sexuality, and welcome, with occasional forays into other theological or justice issues.
However, for the next month I will be writing from the intersection of fatherhood, justice … and hunger. These will be among the most personal and painful essays I’ve ever written. I hope that those of you who subscribed for the “welcome,” will bear with me during these next few weeks.
Some of you know the painful struggles I’ve had over the past decade regarding placement time with my daughter, Susanna (now 14). For others of you this will be news. Over the past four years, the judge that I have in Wisconsin has made things more difficult than ever. I am beyond wits’ end. I’ve exhausted every legal option I have.
Beginning on the evening of Sunday, November 28, the first day of Advent, I am going on a hunger strike. I am beginning on the 28th because it allows me to wrap my own hunger for justice within the season of Advent. And I am beginning that evening because Susanna is with me from the 26th-28th and gets picked up at 2 p.m. that day, and I do not want her to be caught up in this at all.
After the 28th, for 21 days (until Sunday, Dec. 19) I will not eat. That’s one day of hunger for each day of placement time that Susanna and I have lost since the judge’s current error-ridden Order went into effect in November 2006. (And that’s actually a minimum; I could make a strong case for having lost up to 27 lost days.) You can read my official press release here. You can find my “home page” for the Hunger strike here. It includes a “frequently asked questions” link.
During my fast I will use this blog, as well as the interest of newspaper and other media hopefully, to call attention to the damage that is done all too often by “Family Court” to families like mine. I will tell my own story to anyone who will listen. But I will also be clear that my story is not unique. It happens to parents (mostly dads) left and right.
I want to be very clear: I am not fasting to exert a demand on anyone. I do not expect my fast to change anything about my placement time. It is done as an act of public mourning and protest. It is a powerfully symbolic way of inviting my body to manifest both my anguish and my conviction. So I do hope that it gets enough attention so that people actually listen and hear how unjust family courts can be.
It is, of course, possible that someone will try to claim that my fast is a sign of mental or emotional instability. I have retained a lawyer who has specifically pledged to “protect” me in that event and to do whatever else can be done to protect what little time I do get with Susanna.
You may have a variety of questions, and I am happy to address any of them as best I can. I can tell you that besides some discomfort and weakness, the health risk to me will be very minimal. I have sought and received personal advice others who have done extended fasts. I am not going into this naïvely.
Of course, I could choose to fast for fewer days, but I haven’t had any choice at all in the 21 days of placement time I’ve lost. And the point of the fast is to call awareness to that painful loss. I will be taking steps to maintain my health as best I can (plenty of fluids and vitamins), but I expect to fast all 21 days and to tell my story as clearly, as loudly, and as effectively as possible.
I ask three things of you. First, please do not contact Susanna about this. I am trying my best to keep her entirely insulated from this (she will not be with me during any of the days I am fasting and I will block her from seeing the occasional FaceBook postings I make about it). Second, please do support me however feels right to you. Third, please support my wife, Margaret, during these days, too. She is the best friend-companion-partner that I could have asked for, and I do not put her through this lightly. I know she will treasure whatever support she receives.
Again, by all means, if you have questions for me, ask. While I’m not “happy” to be in this position, I am at a place of peaceful resolve. I am not scared to be hungry. And I know the power of my words. If my hunger helps insure that my words are heard it may be the first real power I have held in this long struggle. That would be well worth it.
I am, each and every day, grateful to count you as readers … and as friends.
You have my prayers and support during your hunger strike. Your story is harrowing and a clear indication of the brokenness of our “justice” system. Much love to you during this painful and difficult time.
To Whom it may concern.
I had the Honor to meet David a few week ago when came to Des Moines and stayed with Howard and I while he was sitting in on classes at a college Which just so happened I went to in my youth.
As far as anyone questioning The sanity or logistics of Mr. Weiss, I can say only this. David is one of the most sane, logical, courtious and human people I have ever met and the short time I was in his company gave me a refreshed outlook on the hope for my fellow man. The hope that there are more people with the same perseption and consideration for their neighbor and not just the ever popular “me, my” attitude that is so previlent now. As well as the “If they don’t think like I do then to Hell with them” mentallity that has me wondering if we shall survive.
I can assure you that David has given this some thought and has come to this type of conclusion so that it will hurt the least amount of people but get the strongets point across.
It is too bad that the rest of us do not think things thru as well before we go out to step on others beliefs and hopes with our “my way or the highway” attitude.
Also I have neglected to check the spelling on this post as my own sort of protest along with him in my silly little way of saying we are ALL inperfect, so who is better than another?
I am currently going through some painful fights with my ex, I tried everything I could to save our marriage… none of it apparently good enough. Its stories like yours that have me scared of what will happen with my kids. my ex is trying to act like she wants me to be able to see them whenever I want, but when it boils down to it, she wont budge on making anything official. Its all at her convienence. I support you, and will be thinking of you. I know this for you is something personal, but whe need more fathers who are willing to stand up and say that the family court system in this country is a nightmare. From putting fathers into the poorhouse with outrageous child support demands to not allowing fathers to spend time with their kids, to heavily favoring mothers who sometimes have no business having custody of their kids. I know my ex is a good mother, but kids need their fathers just as much as their mother. Keep fighting the good fight!
I will be sending additional thoughts and prayers your way as you prepare and then enter a time of public mourning for the loss of time with your daughter. Every Sunday evening as I light the Advent candles around our wreath they will, for me, symbolize the struggle to find light in this darkened world, where justice and love are so often devalued and thwarted.
Our time and our love are all we have to share with our children. I cannot abide peacefully with the thought a careless system robbed you of such a precious gift. Please continue to let us all know how we can help raise awareness for the senseless loss of time with your lovely daughter.
Thanks for sharing this. My prayers and love go with you on this journey.
I respect and support your decision and will hold you and your family in my prayers on a constant basis throughout this advent time. I admire your courage and determination to make a stand against the injustice being done to you and your daughter. She is blessed to have you as her father. I’ll be in contact with Margaret to offer her my support as well. My love to you both.
One of the blessings of knowing you, David, comes in knowing someone who knows how to “believe out loud.” May the One who knew Himself knew hunger, bless you on the journey.
God Speed, good friend.
My prayers and support are with you. Blessings.
I was honored to meet David when he came to Des Moines a few weeks ago. My thoughts and prayers will be with you, David, and your family during this trying time.
Blessings to you, David.
Thinking of you David.
You’re in my prayers, too, David. May you be in good health, and may this bold action bear good fruit in raising awareness of injustice–and perhaps ameliorating the injustice to you from the judge. The power that individual judges in family court have to impose injustices is a serious wrong in our society.
Blessings to you and Margaret, and to your daughter.